Thursday, September 01, 2005
i went to school with a sunken heart yesterday...thinking about what happened the few days b4...all the pulling me up by my shirt in the early morning while i was sleeping...all the pushing my head back & let the sun shine on my face...all the throwing of my stuffs.. even the innocent farewell invitation...i thought, the day may be better today...i was thinking... if only i could contact & chat with him..& what now?he did sms me the night b4...the night i needed comfort...but what?he was only thinking about the past, the relationship..i thought perhaps some holy spirit prompting him tt i'm in some trouble or sorrow or we just had some telepathy..and this is what i get?thinking about himself??maybe i shouldn't think too much... maybe i shouldn't have blamed him so much.. maybe i shouldn't have expected so much too... maybe i'm too ignorant of him..but the worst thing tt upset me most...was that he only took so long... just 2 days ago to realise tt i haven't been messaging him... & i'm always the one who starts all the sms.... what is this? very hard to just send me a msg? very hard to just suddenly think of me & sms me?? i don't like tt i really dont.. i mean, its not like i'm expecting u to sms me every day or what... but since 2 yrs ago it has always been me. its like...u took 1 or 2 months or more to realise tt i haven't been msging u?i don't know what to say...i really don't...i'm jus upset at times...the way u treat me....maybe u should just leave me alone for a long while...a good long while... enough for me to think..... after O levels...i really am afraid of the past as well as the future... it seems like there's no definate answer & i'm scared..scared even though i'm holding on to a finger..cos its dark...ptich dark...sometimes, we can't express well... sometimes, perhaps, we shouldn't have expressed..it was too much to take in.. too much to lay on the table & feel proud of it.. cos it was too much to feel ashamed...too much...for me to think... there's just too much...i asked for stress so i may understand the need & urgency to study...but this stress is getting too much... getting no where..maybe, angel of mercy, u should just take me away........
posted @ 11:17
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